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Jokes That Will Make You Pee In Your Pants...

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AlainM3C

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Basherville Sheriff
Basherville Sheriff
I'm happy to let him remain the champion!

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127 Re: Jokes That Will Make You Pee In Your Pants... on Thu Nov 26, 2015 10:29 pm

Wife texts Husband on cold winter morning:
Windows frozen, won't open.

Husband texts back: Gently pour lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer.

Wife texts back, 5 minutes later:
Computer really messed up now!

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AlainM3C

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Basherville Sheriff
Basherville Sheriff
LOL! Sending this out with daily emails!

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Hydekelso

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Knight
Knight
Sheldon: "woman, you are playing with forces beyond your ken"
Penny: "well your ken can kiss my Barbie!""

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Hydekelso wrote:Sheldon: "woman, you are playing with forces beyond your ken"
Penny: "well your ken can kiss my Barbie!""

Ah yes...The Panty Pinata episode!

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AlainM3C

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Basherville Sheriff
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I was at a friends pool party some years ago and one of the children left their Barbie near the beer keg. A buddy of mine had a "Marvin the Martian" doll so he got it and we put Barbie and Marvin in an 'entwined' position. Poor kid found her Barbie getting it on with Marvin and got very upset. We had to stuff our faces in our beer mugs to keep people from noticing we were laughing. Never did confess to anyone that we were the ones that did it!

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Hydekelso

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Knight
Knight
AlainM3C wrote:I was at a friends pool party some years ago and one of the children left their Barbie near the beer keg.  A buddy of mine had a "Marvin the Martian" doll so he got it and we put Barbie and Marvin in an 'entwined' position.  Poor kid found her Barbie getting it on with Marvin and got very upset.  We had to stuff our faces in our beer mugs to keep people from noticing we were laughing.  Never did confess to anyone that we were the ones that did it!

Ken must have been awfully jealous.

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AlainM3C

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Basherville Sheriff
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Naw, Ken was very happy that high-maintenence Barbie was occupied! He was off in the bushes having a romp with Skipper! And Marvin ended up in a beer mug. He doesn't want to destroy the Earth anymore!

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134 Re: Jokes That Will Make You Pee In Your Pants... on Tue Dec 15, 2015 11:15 am

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. He seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court. The Judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.
The man replied...
"Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are Coming" and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself.
BUT, your Honor, when she moved for the fourth time and sat under the sign that said "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident"..

..I just lost it......."CASE DISMISSED!!"

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AlainM3C

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Basherville Sheriff
Basherville Sheriff
Oh Boy, another good one to tell the priest at Mass! He just loves the jokes I bring him!

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136 Re: Jokes That Will Make You Pee In Your Pants... on Wed Dec 16, 2015 11:39 am

Yeah, I liked that one too...it's one that I didn't hear before.

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137 Re: Jokes That Will Make You Pee In Your Pants... on Thu Dec 17, 2015 12:53 pm

AlainM3C

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Basherville Sheriff
Basherville Sheriff
Two blondes were filling up at a gas station and the first blonde says to the second, "I bet these awful gas prices are going to go even higher."
The second blonde replies, "Won't affect me, I always put in just $10 worth."


One day, Jill's husband came home from the office and found her sobbing convulsively.
"I feel terrible," she told him. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers."
"Forget it," consoled her husband. "Remember that I bought an extra pair of pants for that suit."
"Yes, and it's lucky for you that you did," said Jill, drying her eyes. "I used them to patch the hole."


Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said, "Look at that dog with one eye!"
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, "Where?"

A blonde decided to redecorate her bedroom. She wasn't sure how many rolls of wallpaper she would need, but she knew that her blonde friend from next door had recently done the same job and the two rooms were identical in size.
"Buffy," she said, "How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your bedroom?"
"Ten," said Buffy.
So the blonde bought the ten rolls of paper and did the job, but she had 2 rolls leftover. "Buffy," she said. "I bought ten rolls of wallpaper for the bedroom, but I've got 2 leftover!"
"Yes," said Buffy. "So did I."

A blonde bought two horses and could never remember which was which. A neighbor suggested that she cut off the tail of one horse, which worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. The second horse's tail tore in the same place and looked exactly like the other horse's tail. Our blonde friend was stuck again.
The neighbor then suggested that she notch the ear of one horse, which worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again, our blonde friend couldn't tell the two horses apart.
The neighbor then suggested that she measure the horses for height. When she did that, the blonde was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black one.


Blonde Interview
The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with any person, living or dead, who would that be?"
The blonde quickly responded, "The living one."

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138 Re: Jokes That Will Make You Pee In Your Pants... on Thu Dec 17, 2015 10:00 pm

A bus full of ugly people met after an accident;
all of them died. Before entering Heaven,
they each got one wish. The first one said: Make
me beautiful. And it happened. The rest followed
with the same wish. When it came to the last
person, he was laughing. The voice asked him:
Why are you laughing? What is your wish? The
last person answered: Make them all ugly again!

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AlainM3C

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Basherville Sheriff
Basherville Sheriff
They'll be ugly again and take selfies of themselves anyway!

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140 Re: Jokes That Will Make You Pee In Your Pants... on Fri Dec 18, 2015 10:18 am

I hate selfies with the extended arm or the mirror reflection that has the camera being held up to the mirror. Geesh...when you have five thousand 'Friends', you'd think at least one of them could take the picture FOR you! Somewhere along the way, a Selfie became just a picture of yourself, or yourself in group of people. Those are not Selfies...those are just pictures! Oh and by the way...the word, 'Selfie' is banned in Basherville because The Basher hates that word!

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141 Re: Jokes That Will Make You Pee In Your Pants... on Fri Dec 18, 2015 10:27 am

What happened to my joke about the pregnant woman on the bus? I just went to comment on your comment, and the joke disappeared, but my comment posted. Hmmmm....Sheriff Alain, you better go and investigate...Basherville has been robbed of a good joke! Check and see if the 'Joker' was in town and get ahold of Batman!

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142 Re: Jokes That Will Make You Pee In Your Pants... on Sat Dec 19, 2015 12:53 am

Hydekelso

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Knight
Knight
Aren't I do for a promotion soon. Like being a deputy like Barney Fife!

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We'll have to bring it up at the next meeting.

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AlainM3C

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Basherville Sheriff
Basherville Sheriff
Yes! Promote Hydekelso. We need an honest lawman!

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AlainM3C

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Basherville Sheriff
Basherville Sheriff
And hire the gal who was on Hydekelso's previous avatar picture. We need diversion...I mean diversity, too!

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AlainM3C

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Basherville Sheriff
Basherville Sheriff
A guy goes to the World Series and he's seated way up at the top in the cheap seats.
He sees another, old guy sitting down in a prime seat and the seat next to him is empty.
So he goes down and asks the guy, "Is this seat taken?"
They old guy answers, "It's for my wife. She attended every game with me for 50 years. She died last week."
So he inquires, "Didn't you have another family member or friend who could come with you today?"
The old guy shrugs and and says, "Na, they all went to her funeral today."

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Oh Alain...Alain...Alain....

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AlainM3C

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Basherville Sheriff
Basherville Sheriff
At least it was a clean one!

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Yeah, I'll give you that!

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150 Re: Jokes That Will Make You Pee In Your Pants... on Tue Feb 23, 2016 11:47 am

AlainM3C

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Basherville Sheriff
Basherville Sheriff
I'll have to tell my chums to get with it. I can't be posting too many clean jokes. It'll ruin my reputation!

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