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Jokes That Will Make You Pee In Your Pants...

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AlainM3C

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Basherville Sheriff
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LOL! Must have been one of those bargain airlines!

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202 Re: Jokes That Will Make You Pee In Your Pants... on Tue Aug 02, 2016 12:09 pm

AlainM3C

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(Passed to me from an English friend in Seattle)


Four surgeons were discussing whom they preferred to operate on.


The first surgeon said she liked to operate on librarians because when you opened them up, everything was in alphabetical order.
The second surgeon said he thought accountants were easiest since you opened them up and everything was in numerical order.
The third surgeon was in favour of electricians because all organs were colour coded.
The fourth surgeon proclaimed that politicians were by far the easiest to operate on which left the first three quite puzzled.
The fourth surgeon explained that politicians were the simplest possible operation since they were heartless, gutless, spineless and the a$$ was interchangeable with the head.

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Hillary proves that more and more everyday.

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AlainM3C

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I'm guessing you like Trump more than Paul Ryan or John McCain does!

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Trump is my man...in fact, the voting site for Basherville has only Trump's name on it for voting. It's not rigged or anything...just saves printing ink by not putting names on the ballot that doesn't belong on it in the first place.

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AlainM3C

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Well, I'm going all in for my man Alfred E. Neuman for President!
"Who says nothing is impossible? Some people do it every day!" -Alfred

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207 Re: Jokes That Will Make You Pee In Your Pants... on Fri Aug 05, 2016 10:27 am

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AlainM3C

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Basherville Sheriff
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Pat would have made an excellent President!

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209 Re: Jokes That Will Make You Pee In Your Pants... on Sat Aug 06, 2016 10:31 am

I have my Brother's 'Pat Paulsen for President' badge he kept all through the years. I remember he had a Tiny Tim poster hanging up in his room and a 'Flying Fickle Finger Of Fate' on his dresser. LOL!

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AlainM3C

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Basherville Sheriff
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I had forgotten the flying fickle finger of fate! Hang on to that Pat Paulsen button! It'll be fun to look at 20 years from now when you're older!

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211 Re: Jokes That Will Make You Pee In Your Pants... on Sun Aug 07, 2016 10:37 am

Yeah....when I'm 38 years old.

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AlainM3C

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Basherville Sheriff
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I never was good at math, so I'll take your word for it!

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213 Re: Jokes That Will Make You Pee In Your Pants... on Wed Sep 14, 2016 11:24 pm

This morning I was sitting on a park bench next to a homeless man. I started a conversation by asking him how he ended up this way.

He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had TV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library. I was working on my MBA online. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage."

I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?"

"Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "No, no. I just got out of prison."

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AlainM3C

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Must have been one of the "Club Feds". Some of those even have golf!

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Hydekelso

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Knight
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Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was the suspect.

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AlainM3C

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Basherville Sheriff
Basherville Sheriff
I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy...

(okay, I know that makes no sense, but it's a line from an Eric Clapton song back in the....oh, never mind....)

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217 Re: Jokes That Will Make You Pee In Your Pants... on Mon Sep 19, 2016 10:16 am

Hey....Don't you hurt my Sheriff!!!

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AlainM3C

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Basherville Sheriff
Basherville Sheriff
Not to worry! Clapton (CBE and all- he didn't have that when I was a teenager!) is 71 and not liable to hurt anyone! The guy can play the guitar though!

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219 Re: Jokes That Will Make You Pee In Your Pants... on Sun Dec 11, 2016 12:15 pm

An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor. The doctor said, "We have 3 possible donors; the 1st is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident, the 2nd is a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked and who died flying his private jet. The 3rd is an attorney who died after practicing law for 30 years. Which do you want?"

"I'll take the lawyer's heart", said the patient.

After a successful transplant, the doctor asked the patient why he had chosen the donor he did. "It was easy", said the patient, "I wanted a heart that hadn't been used."

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AlainM3C

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And this has been emailed to my brother and some of his pals who are lawyers!

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221 Re: Jokes That Will Make You Pee In Your Pants... on Mon Dec 12, 2016 10:40 am

LOL....I knew it was going to go through you to reach some lawyers in some way!!!

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AlainM3C

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All of them have a good sense of humour! They always ask me to forward any lawyer (or doctor) jokes to them!

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One day a boy saw a farmer selling a donkey for $100.00. The boy told the farmer he would pay the money if the farmer could deliver it to his house. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day but when he arrived at the boy's house there was no donkey. He told the boy that the donkey died during the night. Saddened, the boy asked for his money back. "I'm afraid I have already spent the money." the farmer said. "Well, then just give me the donkey." said the boy. "What are you going to do with a dead donkey?" asked the farmer. The boy told the farmer he would think of something, so the farmer delivered the donkey the next day.

The next month the farmer saw the boy and asked him what he ever did with the donkey. "I made $895.00 off of that thing." the boy said. " How could you make that much money off of a dead donkey?" the farmer wanted to know. The boy said, "I didn't tell anyone he was dead at first. I just put up signs around town that said I was going to raffle off a beautiful donkey for raffle tickets that cost $5.00 and I sold 200 tickets." "Wait a minute", said the farmer, "you said you made $895.00 but if you sold 200 tickets at $5.00 each that's $1,000.00. After you subtract the $100.00 you paid me you should have made $900.00". "You're right", said the boy, "But when the winner found out the donkey was dead he was a little upset so I gave him his money back." (The boy grew up and became the CEO of Enron.)

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AlainM3C

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Basherville Sheriff
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Good one! Passing this around!

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225 Re: Jokes That Will Make You Pee In Your Pants... on Mon May 22, 2017 12:08 am

Hydekelso

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Knight
Knight
"I THINK IT'S WRONG THAT ONLY ONE COMPANY MAKES THE GAME MONOPOLY".

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