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Jokes That Will Make You Pee In Your Pants...

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I have Ghetto-opoly.

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AlainM3C

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Basherville Sheriff
Basherville Sheriff
I like to get Mediterranean & Baltic Avenues early in the game.  Then you get Water Works & the Electric Companies so you can cut off service when people don't pay the rent in the slum district!  For more fun, make the other players clean your properties when they owe you money.



Last edited by AlainM3C on Fri May 26, 2017 8:02 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : can't type.)

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228 Re: Jokes That Will Make You Pee In Your Pants... on Sat May 27, 2017 11:27 pm

My Niece brought The Beatles' Monopoly game to play last week.

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Hydekelso

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Knight
Knight
How many years have you been aged 28 now?

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230 Re: Jokes That Will Make You Pee In Your Pants... on Mon May 29, 2017 12:20 am

Hydekelso

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Knight
Knight
One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, "Didn't you see the stop sign?" I said, "Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read."

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AlainM3C

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Basherville Sheriff
Basherville Sheriff
Good one! Did it work?

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232 Re: Jokes That Will Make You Pee In Your Pants... on Tue May 30, 2017 10:59 am

Hydekelso

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Knight
Doc: "I have good news and bad news" Patient: "What's the good news?" Doc: "From my records here, you have 40 years left to live" Patient: "What's the bad news?" Doc: "I just realized that these records are from 39 years ago."

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AlainM3C

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Basherville Sheriff
Basherville Sheriff
LOL! Loved it.....

say, what was the name of that doctor.....??

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234 Re: Jokes That Will Make You Pee In Your Pants... on Sun Jul 16, 2017 12:17 pm

This is a little long, but worth reading because it is SO true!



Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. –
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway,
I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage,
I notice mail on the porch table that
I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table,
put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,
and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills
back
on the table and take out the garbage first.

But then I think,
since I’m going to be near the mailbox
when I take out the garbage anyway,
I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table,
and see that there is only one check left.
My extra checks are in my desk in the study,
so I go inside the house to my desk where
I find the
can of Pepsi I’d been drinking.

I’m going to look for my checks,
but first I need to push the Pepsi aside
so that I don’t accidentally knock it over.

The Pepsi is getting warm,
and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi,
a vase of flowers on the counter
catches my eye–they need water.

I put the Pepsi on the counter and
discover my reading glasses that
I’ve been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk,
but first I’m going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter,
fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.
Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,
I’ll be looking for the remote,
but I won’t remember that it’s on the kitchen table,
so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,
but first I’ll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers,
but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back on the table,
get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to
remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
the car isn’t washed
the bills aren’t paid
there is a warm can of
Pepsi sitting on the counter
the flowers don’t have enough water,
there is still only 1 check in my check book,
I can’t find the remote,
I can’t find my glasses,
and I don’t remember what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,
I’m really baffled because I know I was busy all the damn day,
and I’m really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem,
and I’ll try to get some help for it,
but first I’ll check my e-mail….

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AlainM3C

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Basherville Sheriff
Basherville Sheriff
I have a friend in Washington State that crossed over the 60 line yesterday. I sent this to him and he loved it!

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236 Re: Jokes That Will Make You Pee In Your Pants... on Fri Jul 21, 2017 12:39 am

Hydekelso

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Knight
Knight
That was quite the gift!

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