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A New Priest

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1A New Priest Empty A New Priest on Fri Apr 03, 2015 7:14 pm

Hydekelso

Hydekelso
Knight
Knight
The New Priest

The new Priest was so nervous at his first mass that he could hardly speak. Before the second week in the pulpit he asked the bishop how he could relax. The Bishop said, "Next week, put some vodka in the water pitcher. After a few sips, everything should run smoothly."

The next Sunday, the new priest put the suggestion into practice and was able to talk up a storm and felt just great. Upon returning to the rectory, however, he found a note from the Bishop...


1.Next time sip, rather than gulp.
2.There are 10 Commandments, not 12.
3.There are 12 Disciples, not 10.
4.David slew Goliath, he didn't kick the shit out of him.
5.We do not refer to Jesus Christ and his Apostles as "J.C. and the boys."
6.Next week there is a taffy pulling contest at St. Peters, not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy.
7.We do not refer to the cross as "The Big T."
8.We do not refer to the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost as "Big Daddy, Junior and the Spook."
9.The recommended way of saying grace is not Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, Yea God!"
10.And last but not least, it is the "Virgin Mary," not "Mary with the cherry."

http://www.uberpeople.net

2A New Priest Empty Re: A New Priest on Sat Apr 04, 2015 7:11 am

AlainM3C

AlainM3C
Basherville Sheriff
Basherville Sheriff
Your timing is perfect, Hydekelso! There's a new priest up at my wife's church and I'm going with her to the early Easter Mass today. I'm going to print this out and give it to him after the service. They say he has a sense of humour. Hope so!

3A New Priest Empty Re: A New Priest on Sat Apr 04, 2015 9:27 am

DebtorBasher

DebtorBasher
Admin
lol! That's a great one!

4A New Priest Empty hydekelso on Sat Apr 04, 2015 6:19 pm

Hydekelso

Hydekelso
Knight
Knight
That's about as religious as I get.

http://www.uberpeople.net

5A New Priest Empty Re: A New Priest on Sun Apr 05, 2015 6:44 am

AlainM3C

AlainM3C
Basherville Sheriff
Basherville Sheriff
I wasn't brave enough to share it with the priest, so I just dropped it, folded, in the collection bucket along with my $1 donation!

6A New Priest Empty Re: A New Priest on Sun Apr 05, 2015 9:41 am

DebtorBasher

DebtorBasher
Admin
That was going to be my suggestion as well. Now...what about Confession?

7A New Priest Empty Re: A New Priest on Tue Apr 07, 2015 5:08 am

AlainM3C

AlainM3C
Basherville Sheriff
Basherville Sheriff
The only person I Confess to is my wife! And I really don't need to do that. She can tell just by looking at me what I've been up to!

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