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A New Priest

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1 A New Priest on Fri Apr 03, 2015 7:14 pm

Hydekelso

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Knight
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The New Priest

The new Priest was so nervous at his first mass that he could hardly speak. Before the second week in the pulpit he asked the bishop how he could relax. The Bishop said, "Next week, put some vodka in the water pitcher. After a few sips, everything should run smoothly."

The next Sunday, the new priest put the suggestion into practice and was able to talk up a storm and felt just great. Upon returning to the rectory, however, he found a note from the Bishop...


1.Next time sip, rather than gulp.
2.There are 10 Commandments, not 12.
3.There are 12 Disciples, not 10.
4.David slew Goliath, he didn't kick the shit out of him.
5.We do not refer to Jesus Christ and his Apostles as "J.C. and the boys."
6.Next week there is a taffy pulling contest at St. Peters, not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy.
7.We do not refer to the cross as "The Big T."
8.We do not refer to the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost as "Big Daddy, Junior and the Spook."
9.The recommended way of saying grace is not Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, Yea God!"
10.And last but not least, it is the "Virgin Mary," not "Mary with the cherry."

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2 Re: A New Priest on Sat Apr 04, 2015 7:11 am

AlainM3C

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Basherville Sheriff
Basherville Sheriff
Your timing is perfect, Hydekelso! There's a new priest up at my wife's church and I'm going with her to the early Easter Mass today. I'm going to print this out and give it to him after the service. They say he has a sense of humour. Hope so!

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3 Re: A New Priest on Sat Apr 04, 2015 9:27 am

lol! That's a great one!

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4 hydekelso on Sat Apr 04, 2015 6:19 pm

Hydekelso

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That's about as religious as I get.

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5 Re: A New Priest on Sun Apr 05, 2015 6:44 am

AlainM3C

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Basherville Sheriff
Basherville Sheriff
I wasn't brave enough to share it with the priest, so I just dropped it, folded, in the collection bucket along with my $1 donation!

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6 Re: A New Priest on Sun Apr 05, 2015 9:41 am

That was going to be my suggestion as well. Now...what about Confession?

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7 Re: A New Priest on Tue Apr 07, 2015 5:08 am

AlainM3C

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Basherville Sheriff
Basherville Sheriff
The only person I Confess to is my wife! And I really don't need to do that. She can tell just by looking at me what I've been up to!

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