Kate says, 'My Patrick is such a saint. He works hard, doesn't smoke, and he hasn't so much as looked at a woman in over two years.'
Lorna responds, 'Well, my Francis is a saint himself. Not only hasn't he not looked at a woman in over three years, but he hasn't touched a drop of liquor in all that time.'
'My word,' says Kate, 'You must be so proud.'
'I am,' announces Lorna, 'And when he's paroled next month, I'm going to throw him a big party.'
The Doctor was puzzled "I'm very sorry but I can't diagnose your trouble, Mahoney. I think it must be drink. "
"Don't worry about it Dr. Kelley, I'll come back when you're sober."
What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover? A rash of good luck.
Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun? Because they're always a little short.
Why don't you iron 4-Leaf clovers? Because you don't want to press your luck.
I went out drinking on St Patricks Day, so I took a bus home...That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before.
What's Irish and stays out all night? Paddy O'furniture!
How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time? He's Dublin over with laughter!
Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day? Regular rocks are too heavy.
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60? Four girlfriends drinking on St Patricks Day!
How did the Irish Jig get started? Too much to drink and not enough restrooms!
What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick's Day? St. O'Claus!
"I married an Irishman on St. Patrick's Day." "Oh, really?" "No, O'Reilly!"
What happens when a leprechaun falls into a river? He gets wet!