Jokes That Make You Blush...

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.
The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.
The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'
The Irishman replied, 'These are Carols.'

I passed this along yesterday coast-to-coast. Got lots of laughs! Especially from a guy whose wife's name is Carol!

Yeah, there's some good ones floating around out there.

The best ones I've gotten lately are actually pretty clean!

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of
their car which said:
Two Prostitutes
- $50.00
A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them, and told them
they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.
At that time, another car passed with a sign saying:
"Jesus Saves."

One of the girls asked the officer, "How come you
don't stop them?”

"Well, that's a little different," the officer
said. "Their sign pertains to religion."

The following day the same police officer noticed the same
two hookers driving around with a large sign on their car.
He figured he had an easy arrest until he read their new
sign:

Two Fallen Angels

Seeking Peter

-- $50.00

Good one...and another I haven't heard before!

Yep, I saw this car cruising the outskirts of Basherville!

They know they aren't allowed in Basherville.

It's Christmas, so I brought them some fruitcake and rum!

1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila floor!!!!

Sounds like a good New Years recipe!!

I have passed this around and the females love it! Us guys are kind of unsure....but we laughed anyway!

Two rednecks meet on a dusty country road. One of them is carrying a big bag labeled, “Chickens.””

Chickens, eh?” says one guy. “Hey, if I guess how many chickens you got, will you give me one?”

“Heck,” says the guy with the bag, “iffin you guess right, I’ll give you both of ‘em.”

The other scratches his head and guesses, “Um… is it five?”

LOL! Any smart redneck knows the answer is 3!

Gotta love them good ol' boys!

Years ago I took a semester off to get some more green to continue my edu-ca-tion. I worked for about 6 months in an insulation factory. One of the foremen, Leonard, was a good ole boy with a great sense of humour. He used to say that he had 13 kids and wasn't sure how many were his. We thought that was funny. Then one day as we were getting off the graveyard shift, the other foreman on the day shift told us that he didn't mean it as a joke, he was serious!

Where was Maury when he needed him??? LOL!!!

I think Maury gets his "guests' from places like that!

Hey Alain....here's one you can pass on to all of your prostitute friends!

A doctor asked a pregnant prostitute, "Do you know who the Father is?"
The prostitute replies, "Oh for goodness sake, if you ate a can of beans,
would you know which one made you fart?"

I will! I'm going to send it to my Senators and Representatives, too, since they kind of fit the definition of "prostitute"!

Ya know, "LOL" is exactly what my Senator said!

I thought he would have had the same reaction as your broker had with that other joke....'Who snitched?'

I like the BBTheory episode where (sp?) where is Sheldon is doing a radio broadcast and he starts talking like a chipmonk, due to Kripkey's pumping helium into where Sheldon is speaking.