BIZARRE SEX TALES!!

LOL!!!

As I get older, I just get naughtier!

Soon, you will officially be known as a Dirty Old Man.

I know! It makes me proud that I will have accomplished one of my lifes goals! Someday, I'll have my picture on the post office bulletin board!

Oh wait, there was that little moonshining incident a few years back. I might already be there...

I came home from work the other day, and as I walked in the front door, I say to my wife, "I'm hungry and I'm horny...which can you help me with?" She about fell over laughing.

Justice74 wrote:I came home from work the other day, and as I walked in the front door, I say to my wife, "I'm hungry and I'm horny...which can you help me with?" She about fell over laughing.

And her answer waaaas????

I tried using George Costanza's logic on having the best of both worlds, but all I got was a sandwich...lol!

Pastrami????

Remember, everything taste better with Miracle Whip!

Thought about some hot sex last night. Then looked at the outside thermometer (90 with/ 70 something humidity). We both had a cold shower and it was soooo much better than sex!!

http://www.canberratimes.com.au/act-news/fork-stuck-in-mans-penis-after-bizarre-sexual-mishap-20130819-2s5w2.html

It hurts just to read about this stuff!

I've stabbed many wieners with forks, sliced them open with a knife, ground them with the grinder, chopped them with a knife and sometimes just bit them whole, tossed them in boiling water...and I never felt any pain.

Well, I think that'd certainly keep the guys from misbehaving on a first date with you!

You've got that right!

Here's a fun one from a friend of mine in Fairfax County, Virginia. He happens to notice a van parked in front of his neighbor's house (the neighbors are both local police officers, as it turns out) about 1 in the morning yesterday as he's letting the cat in. The van is bouncing like an earthquake has hit. The neighbors happen to notice it, too, since they're both preparing for an early morning shift (they've already put on their uniforms and are having a cup of coffee before heading to work). They all go to the van and one of them knocks on the side. A young voice inside tells them to go away. Needless to say, upon being notified that the police want the occupants outside, pronto, a young man in his underwear and a young lady in her bra & panties emerge. Hoping for a break, the young man identifies himself as the captain of the local high school football team and points out the lady is no less than the captain of the cheerleading squad. The officers and my friend agree that there is no need for these frisky kids to go to the juvenile pokey. So they happily call the young man's father (who just happens to be the principal of the school) and the young lady's proud papa (who surprisingly is married to the local high school's ladies gym teacher). It now appears that the young man (who, by the way, carelessly left a condom wrapper in the front seat of the van-nice that the youth were awake for that part of health class!) will no longer be playing football this year or driving his prized van. It has been arranged for the young lady to spend her final year of high school at a local Catholic school (where, by pure coincidence, her aunt works as vice-principal). Sometimes you just have to admire the way law enforcement and educational institutions work together!

So, the punch line of that joke, is that someone was actually letting the cat IN?  HaHaHaHaHa...now, that's funny!!! I never saw that coming! Good one Alain!!!

Here's another little funny thing about this: My friend is a correctional officer at a county jail just south of where all this occured! I'm tellin; ya, these two youngsters had some Really bad Karma following them!

Oh, you mean that WASN'T supposed to be a joke? Hmmmm...that makes it twice as funny!

No joke! This really happened. Surely it would have been better if they'd just gotten a room at motel?

Warning to those older folks using that Kama Sutra thing: Some of those positions can really pull muscles in the darndest places!

I'm not asking....I'm just quietly walking away as if I wasn't here to see that last comment...no siree...I'm NOT asking! 

Well, it's that upside down, twisty thing where you...oh, that's right, you didn't want to hear it...

*Using white-out on my monitor* Is that racist?

Nope! It's kinda a mess on your screen, though!