Cartoon / Picture Funnies...

I'll have to get the neighborhood kids to get out there and give your tree a shake down at 5am!

No need. Thanks to the blue bird of happiness singing it's little beak off this morning at 4, I'm up. Time to clean the 12 guage!

Irish definition of a 7 course meal: A boiled potato and a six-pack!

Mexican definition of a 7 course meal: 6 beans and a fart!

What about the Ejack definition of a 7 course meal?

1 bowl of chili, 1 keg of beer and 5 farts per minute.

By George, I think you've got it!!!

And for myself: 1 large bowl of salted peanuts and 6 kegs of beer. With friends!

Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!

Life's Demerit System
All married men will attest to some real wisdom in this email...
...In the world of romance, one single rule applies:
MAKE THE WOMAN HAPPY!

Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a non-exhaustive guide to the point system:


SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed. (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillows. (-10)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. (-3)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) in the rain (+
But return with Beer. (-5)

PROTECTIVE DUTIES
You check out a suspicious noise at night. (+1)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing. (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is something. (+5)
You pummel it with an iron rod. (+10)
It's her pet Schnauzer. (-20)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side for the entire party. (+1)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old school friend. (-2)
Named Tina (-10)
Tina is a dancer. (-10)
Tina has breast implants. (-40)

HER BIRTHDAY
You take her out to dinner. (+2)
You take her out to dinner, and it's not a sports bar. (+3)
Okay, it's a sports bar. (-2)
And its all-you-can-eat night. (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team. (-10)

A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie. (+1)
You take her to a movie she likes. (+5)
You take her to a movie you hate. (+6)
You take her to a movie you like. (-2)
It's called 'Death Cop.' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans. (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable potbelly. (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it. (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts. (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-80)

THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5)
(Yes, you lose points no matter what)
You hesitate in responding. (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
You give any other response. (-20)

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression. (+2)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV. (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep. (-4000)

Now, tell us something we DON'T know! LOL!!!

Here's something you don't know! Men are, for the most part, caring, sensitive folk who only wish to please and support their female companions...

Whoa! Now I'm laughing so hard the beer is coming out my nose!!

I'm laughing so hard YOUR beer is coming out of MY nose!!!

If more people shared a good beer now and again, the world would be a better place!

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You don't really have to click, 'SHARE'...afterall, this is Basherville, Not Facebookville!!!

I had no problem reading it the first time. Do I have a strong mind? Nope! I just have neurons that respond well to double strength Colombian coffee in the morning!

I'm glad I don't need to share this on Flakebook. My idea of "Social Media" is reading the sports page around a cold keg of beer at a football party!

Sitting on the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, that car is just as dangerous as a speeder. So, he turns his lights on and pulls the car over. Approaching the car, he notices there are 5 old ladies, two at the front and 3 at the back, wide eyed and looking like ghosts.

The driver obviously confused said, "Officer, I don't understand, I wasn't doing over the speed limit!, What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer said, "you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous". "Slower than the speed limit? NO SIR! I was doing exactly 22 miles an hour", the old woman said proudly.

The officer containing a chuckle explains that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned, thanking the officer for pointing out her error. "Before I go Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone OK?

These women seem badly shaken and haven't uttered a word all this time" "Oh! they will be alright in a minute, Officer, we just got off Route 142."

LOL! An excellent joke that I can pass along to everyone (even my sister-in-law who gets here panties in a bunch about "dirty" jokes-which with her is about all of them!)

Politically incorrect (but told to me by an Italian NYPD): What's the difference between a Jehovah's Witness and an Italian? The Italians don't like to leave no witnesses!

DebtorBasher wrote:[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]



You don't really have to click, 'SHARE'...afterall, this is Basherville, Not Facebookville!!!

I showed this to a dyslexic coworker and he said it looked just fine to him.

LOL!

It does make sense. It shouldn't, but it does...

I'm gonna get on all fours and chase the red dot with the cat...

AlainM3C wrote:It does make sense.  It shouldn't, but it does...

I'm gonna get on all fours and chase the red dot with the cat...

I've heard of chasing the cat with a red dot...but never heard of anyone chasing a red dot with a cat.

We've bonded! I snort catnip with him, too!