Jokes That Stink!!!

Q: How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?
A: A phew!

Q: How much money does a skunk have?
A: One scent!

Q: What did the judge say when a skunk entered the courtroom?
A: Odor in the court!

Q: What did the religious skunk say?
A: "Let us spray!"

Q: What do you call a flying skunk?
A: A smell-icopter.

Q: What do you get when you cross a bear and a skunk?
A: I don't know, but it can easily get a seat on the bus!

Q: What do you get when you cross a robot and a skunk?
A: R-2 P-U!

Q: Which rapper do skunks like?
A: 50 Scent!

Q: Why are skunks so smart?
A: Because they have a lot of scents!

Q: Why did Sally bring her skunk to school?
A: For show-and-smell!

Q: Why didn't the skunk call his parents?
A: Because his phone was out of odor!

Q: Have you read the autobiography by the skunk?
A: Don't bother it stinks!

Q: What do you get when you cross a bear and a skunk?
A: Winnie the PU

A policeman in the big city stops a man in a car with a skunk in the front seat. "What are you doing with that skunk?" He exclaimed, "You should take it to the zoo." The following week, the same policeman sees the same man with the skunk again in the front seat, with both of them wearing sunglasses. The policeman pulls him over. "I thought you were going to take that skunk to the zoo!" The man replied, "I did. We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!"

Just in time to add to my morning emails!

pretty much any joke that starts with knock knock

I haven't heard any 'knock-knock' jokes for a while.

Ok Alain...you start.....say, "Knock, Knock"

Um, "knock-knock"

(I'm gonna regret this!)

Who's there?

Da Viper.

Ok, mine went right over your head, but then again it is better done face to face instead of computer to computer.

But, onto yours...Da Vipor who?

It did go over my head, but anyway,...


"Da Vindow Viper. I do five for a dollar."

And now for another stinker, courtesy of a doc after a surgery in the OR...

Patient to Doctor:
"Excuse me , doctor, but is that a rectal thermometer over your ear?"
Doctor:
"Why, yes it is. It looks like some a**hole took my pen!"

I can only guess what his surgical specialty was.

Ouch!

Bad, butt it does fit the category of "Jokes That Stink"!

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'

His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'its fart football.'

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, 'Touchdown, tie score...'

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'

Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, 'Touchdown, tie score.'

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on for the old man.

He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.

Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally poops in the bed.

The wife says, 'What the heck was that?'

The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides

That's a good one, but it really does stink!

I told ya!

I've been sending your jokes down to the retirement home where my dad and Stepmom live. They tell them at the nightly 'Happy Hour' (how can those 80 & 90 year olds drink stuff like Scotch? Yuck!) They LOVE them!

I'm glad they are enjoying them.

They're actually a pretty happy bunch down there. Even the ones that can't walk fast manage to get around to social events. They are all pretty funny when they've had a drink or two and begin singing old songs like 'Don't Sit Under the Apple Tree with Anybody Else but Me'...

I hate that song...I'm not much of an Andrew Sisters' fan.
And I never liked the Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy either.

I can't remember the words to any songs, so I just sit and smile and sip my beer!

Time is like a river. You cannot touch the water twice, because the
flow that has passed will never pass again. Enjoy every moment of
life. As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a
funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man.
He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's
cemetery in the Nova Scotia back country.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a
typical man, I did not stop for directions.

I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently
gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers
and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized
to the men for being late.

I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was
already in place. I did not know what else to do, so I started to
play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I
played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends.
I played like I have never played before for this homeless man.

And as I played "Amazing Grace", the workers began to weep. They
wept; I wept; we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up my
bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head was hung low, my
heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I
have never seen anything like that before, and I have been putting in
septic tanks for twenty years."

That came from a friend down in D.C. At least some of them there have a sense of humour!