BIZARRE SEX TALES!!

Got your attention? Maybe. Anyway, on with my story. I have a friend down in Northern Virginia, just the other side of the Potomac from D.C. She loves birds. Not just the garden variety budgie in a cage thing. More like a big cage in her bedroom with some fancy feathered jungle creature fetish. So, she adopts a Cockatoo from these folks that found keeping a loud, screaming avian psychotic mistake of nature is more trouble than they're willing to put up with. Particularly when the thing has a beak that can crush a Brazil nut (or a finger) with less effort than it takes you to snap a toothpick. Everything is fine until she meets her boyfriend, who is a remarkably tolerant fellow and has good reflexes which is great when you're trying to keep your digits away from a tempermental male Cockatoo. The bird, it turns out, has no idea that he is not capable of keeping a human female as his mate. The jealous winged warlock also finds that it is damn near impossible to get close enough to the boyfriend to inflict serious damage without him possibly turning the bird into parrot pulp. One night the Cockatoo, who actually is pretty smart for a bird-brain, manages to get out of the cage whilst the lady and her prince are sleeping off a sweaty session of lovemaking.



It creeps up on the bed. (This part is pretty gross so you men may not want to see this-But visualize it anyway...)




It gently, ever so carefully puts it's beak in a soft latch on....




The gals arm and proceeds to gyrate violently, stradling the arm, until SPLORT...


Yep, and even after that, the depraved and deprived bird is still in a cage in the bedroom, but there's a masterlock on the kennel door. The feathered fiend hasn't figured out how to pick it yet, but it's only a matter of time. And the lady and her prince are still together going on 5 years now. Seriously, if the guy's willing to put up with that, she ought to marry him!

Alain, Alain, Alain...

Marcia, Marcia Marcia

If Marcia had a Cockatoo, what could it have told us about her?

Yet another true tale...Same house, but with the predecessor to the Cockatoo, a Scarlet Macaw. When the bird lady was vacationing in Brazil one year, some friends moved over to her house for a couple of weeks to take care of the Manic Macaw and other assorted beasts in the place. One night the couple got amorous and had quite a frisky night in the bedroom, which also contained the bird-penitentary. When they woke up the next morning, the bird (whose gender had been, up to that point, undetermined) had laid an egg, despite the fact it had never been in contact with any other Macaw (or bird, for that matter) in it's unruly life. Needless to say, we all contend that since there was only one male in the house at the time, obviously he was 'Birdy-daddy'!

So, enough about birds. What positions do you find are most relaxing for sex? Which positions provide you with the most exercise?

Don't try position #42 in the Kama Sutra! Those Cambodian folks must be double-jointed!

What about #69?

You just can't go wrong with #69!

There's hope for this lame post afterall! With the coming power failures of The Great Winter Storm, there will be little for people to do except engage in sexual activity. Stay tuned for tales of bizzare sex in the darkened houses of the east coast.

I predict a baby boom in July/August 2013.

You're probably right! Particularly since the picture you posted indicated they were out of condoms!

A friend of mine in the Seattle area thought it would be fun to do a little making out with his wife in the back seat of the car just like they did in the old days. Probably not the best idea at night near a (as it turns out well patrolled) public park. The officer didn't ticket them (they are in their 50's), but she did make a point of announcing her find to dispatch and any officer within about a ten mile radius. Which is really embarrassing considering that a number of their friends happen to be police officers.

AlainM3C wrote:A friend of mine in the Seattle area thought it would be fun to do a little making out with his wife in the back seat of the car just like they did in the old days. Probably not the best idea at night near a (as it turns out well patrolled) public park. The officer didn't ticket them (they are in their 50's), but she did make a point of announcing her find to dispatch and any officer within about a ten mile radius. Which is really embarrassing considering that a number of their friends happen to be police officers.

Are you sure you told that joke right? I'm not gettin' it.

Um, probably I just didn't tell it right. It's actually true. The humour was that they are in their 50's doing something teenagers are normally caught for, failed to realize that it's not a good idea to do such things near a public park,...well, let's just say they shoulda gotten a room. I'll go back to bizarre sex stuff and see if that doesn't work! I hear Brazil's good for that type of material!

Yeah, better to stick with what you know...LOL!!!

Your're right! I think I'll spend the day researching Brazilian and Swedish porn sites. And some local ones, too. I want to be sure and include some 'made in America' ideas!

My two neighbors were recently having a beer and discussing the famous Tijuana Donkey show as they watched a football game on the tube. What they didn't know was that the 7 year old son, who was supposed to be napping upstairs, had crept out of bed and was listening on the stairs. When Mom got home, the young lad cheerfully told her what he'd heard being discussed. In detail. Moral of story: If your horsing around and a little bird tells Mom, you'll make jackasses of yourselves and end up in the doghouse!

Years ago, when Basher and I were in Mexico, and all the vacation money had been used up on donkey shows...we decided to have a little fun of our own. She had forgotten her stash of "toys" back home under her bed, so the only way ol' Beagle boy could "double the pleasure" was by using his tail as a secondary...WAIT! I'm sorry, I misread the title of this post. Instead of Bizarre sex tales, I thought it read Bizarre sex "tails". Geesh! Do I feel like a stooge.

Now if Justice and DB could work this into a short video clip, I think they could be looking at a possible "AVN" Award! Yee-Hee-Haw!

'A Tail of Two Titties'?

Even if there was a video....you wouldn't be allowed to watch it in Basherville!!!

Not even if it was educational?

So, THAT'S where the Pittsburgers get their education!!!