Jokes That Make You Blush...

AlainM3C wrote:Sounds like some of the golfers lost their balls?

ALAIN!!!!!

Just a sports comment, of course! You can lose a ball or two if a putter is too stiff...

Yeah...right.

My thoughts are pure, but my computer is naughty!

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked.

'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered.

'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen.
So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the crap out of all of you!'

St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'

'Couple of minutes ago.'

LOL! Sending this along to my email pals to brighten their day!

A guy ends up with an older woman at a bar last night.
She looked pretty good for a 55-year-old. In fact, she wasn’t too bad at all, and he found himself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter.
They drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I’d ever had a “Sportsman’s Double”? “What’s that?” the guy asked. “It’s a mother and daughter threesome.” she said.
As the guy’s mind began to embrace the idea, and he wondered what her daughter might look like, he said, “No, I haven’t.”
They drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, “tonight’s your lucky night.” They hopped into a taxi and went back to her place.
When they arrived back at her place and they walked into the front door, she turned on the hall light and shouted upstairs “Mom… you still awake?”

My female friends got LOTS of laughs out of this one! The guys remained very silent.

What do polish girls and hockey goaltenders have in common?

They both change their pads after three periods.

LOL, Pizzathehut! I'm passing that one on to my wife. She's Polish and she's a hockey fan!

I don't know who wrote that joke I posted..but it refers to 'a guy' then 'I'...I think someone doesn't want to admit it was him. LOL.

Maybe it was Dr. Adam Jeecheroo.. The fictional scientist.

Hey Alain....here's one for your drinking buddies!

A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and asks, "Bartender, got any specials today?"

Bartender answers, "Yes, as a matter of Fact we have a new drink, invented by A gynecologist patron of ours.

It's a mix of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer and Smirnoff Vodka."

The guy asks, "Good grief, what do you call that?"

The bartender replied, "It's a "Pabst Smir."

I passed this along to the other guys who were mowing their lawns yesterday afternoon (time spent mowing, 15 minutes - time spent yakking over the fence, 1 hour - time spent drinking beer after mowing 2 hours)). A universal "Thumbs Up!"

I knew you knew someone who would like that one.

We all enjoyed it!

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"

"Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the girl you were with?"

"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Nina Capelli?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Piriano?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"

"Please, Father! I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"

"Four months vacation and five good leads..."

Another good one!!

Yeah Alain...for some reason, I thought of you when I read that. LOL.

Every time I tried to date a cute gal when I was young, one of my friends would end up taking her out!

And you called them, 'friends'?

Now days I call them "divorced and bankrupt from paying alimony!"

Preacher McSnorey is walking by Farmer Fudd's pasture down in the holler when he sees the farmer's son, Ferd, committing unspeakable acts with the sheep.

He immediately goes to farmer Fudd and tells him what he has seen.

Fudd calls out to his son, "Ferd, are you doin' nasty things with them sheep?"

Ferd replies that he is indeed satisfying his urges at the expense of the Ewes.

"Good boy, Ferd! Keep it up!", says Fudd.

Preacher McSnorey is appalled and asks Fudd why he's encouraging the boy.

"Well, preacher, as long as he's doin' that with the sheep, he won't be chasin' after his sister!"

Now...do you think that is Basherville appropriate? Fer shame, Fer shame!

Well, no it's not Basherville appropriate, but it does explain why we don't allow sheep in town!